Friday, May 25, 2012

the waiting.

I guess the reason I have time to rant these days is because there isn't much happening in our adoption process.  We have many things to do, but they are not adoption-specific (meaning paperwork related) things.  We have a room to prepare for our future son, services we can inquire about for him (although we're not certain when he will be with us) and a host of other things.  But there is a lull in the paperwork.  After working tirelessly on paperwork for weeks and weeks, it's a bit strange.  The "ball" so to speak (our dossier) is in Bulgaria, waiting to be presented to the Ministry of Justice, which we pray will happen next week.  The hope is that we meet with their approval and can schedule our first trip. 

Once we have a date, we are going to consult with our international adoption doctor to discuss things we can do when we physically meet him that might help us get a rudimentary assessment of his needs.  Obviously, I'm not a therapist and I can't make informed clinical opinions, but I've had a good amount of experience with Chelsea's therapists, so I hope with some guidance I can at least get some sort of baseline on what our future son will need.  A much more formalized assessment will occur sometime after he comes to our home.  The reason I don't feel comfortable scheduling an assessment for him when we get our pick up trip dates is because I don't know what we'll be able to expect when he comes to us.  He may make a very smooth transition, a terrible transition, or something in the middle.  As anxious as I am to get him help quickly, I respect and appreciate the challenge it will be for him.  I need to let him lead the way as much as I can in this process of learning what it means to live in our home and not in the place he has lived for the past two and a half years.

Currently, updates about the children who are in the process of being adopted from The Bad Place must come from the Ministry of Justice.  This means, for instance, that we cannot get timely updates about his progress.  I'm suspicious and unhappy about this development, but it could be as a result of the publicity that this place has received in the press.  It could be that the MOJ is controlling access to information because of how uncertain everything is there.  Or it could be something more sinister.  I pray it is the former and not the latter. 

The helpless waiting is so difficult.  Unfortunately, I know that most of our future son's needs are not being met.  Were this my daughter (here at home), I would be racing to secure the resources she needed.  I can't do that in this case, and that is sad, frustrating, and scary for our family.  We see this child, who is in need, and we are forced to wait to intervene.  We respect the process that must occur, but in our parent's hearts, we simply want the time to magically disappear so we can begin the real tasks of assessing need, integrating our future son into our family, and beginning our lives as a family of four. 

Meanwhile, I begin another semester of college.  Summer's agenda includes a class about American Social Policy and an additional Latin American Cultures class.  I suspect I will have to interrupt my studies for a trip to Bulgaria, but I plan to reach out to my professors to explain.  One has already given me permission to work ahead of the syllabus so that I can maintain my attendance.  I pray the other one will as well.  I've also applied for a scholarship for my college, but I won't know for several weeks if I am selected.  If selected, it is less funds I need to use for school and more I can put toward the adoption.

Funds for the adoption continue to accumulate, thanks to the generosity of friends and strangers alike.  Our family continues to be blessed.  We are just over halfway to our goal.  We are also blessed in that we are actually fundraising for only 1/3 of the total adoption costs.  We have already paid, or are prepared to pay, the majority two-thirds.  Of that 1/3, we are over halfway there! 

There are many ways to help.  Sharing, donating, purchasing, praying.  Some ways are free and some cost money.  Whatever you can do to help us is appreciated.  More than anything, we pray that you share our blog so that we can be a voice for children who suffer in The Bad Place.  I'm not permitted to say the name of the orphanage.  This amazing mother ( knows a thing or two about bad places and bad orphanages. Since her daughter is already home, she is permitted to talk about things that I cannot.  In the future, however, I want to be a voice for those who still live in that dark place, praying for swift change and hoping the children who remain there can be unified with loving families instead of starved and neglected.

Thank you for following our story, for praying and thinking of us.  Please pray for our future son.  We want so much to begin his new life as soon as possible, and we must wait.  This process of adoption is designed to change people, and I know it continues to change our family in positive ways.

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