I've seen the light.

I want to take a step back from the usual information and such, and direct your attention elsewhere for a moment.  Please be warned that the words you will read are not only inaccurate, but poorly written, oddly phrased, and otherwise hard to process, but I ask you to please bear with me and do your best:

http://www.reformtalk.net/2012/05/04/blog-gag-me-2/

Please refer to #3 on the list.  I apologize that I couldn't muster the coveted #1 slot.  I'll try harder next time. 

There's no way I have the inclination to address all of the gross inconsistencies contained there.  Sadly, I know of these Fair Canadians and their relentless attempts to discredit adoptive parents with the most ridiculous, baseless, downright dumb accusations.  I'm afraid I couldn't think of a better adjective than 'dumb'. Sometimes simpler really is better, especially when it's pinpoint accurate.

"Because taking classes and reading about institutionalized, traumatized children with special needs is 100% adequate preparation for adopting such a kid.  Book learning is enough!" (an attempt at sarcasm)

Question:  Precisely what qualifications would be enough?  (Never mind the three years I've had with a live, in person, special needs daughter.  Throw that one out for a moment.  Because you all just read every word so clearly).  But let's try this. 

First, these folks love to quote "experts".  They have many experts that they use with abandon, to "prove" their "points" very clearly. 

Last I checked (and I did) most of these "articles" from "experts" come from people with, you know, "degrees".  (We call that book learning sometimes.)  We trust that they are "experts" because they have "letters after their names" and they got "degrees".  Degrees, which by these folks standards, are utterly useless in the application of discussing special needs, adoption, or anything else for that matter. 

Hmm.

Second question:  What amount of "experience" would be considered "enough"?  (Loving these quotation marks?)  I'm just wondering what certificate I should search for in order to be qualified to parent a child with special needs.  What about a bachelor's degree with three years of clinical experience?  (Wait...I just about have that...)  More?  Less?  Shall we designate parenting special needs children only to the elite - to the highly learned?  (Wait.  Book learning isn't any good to these folks)  Or maybe a better answer is to gather 'round the campfire, humming to Mother Earth, searching for answers in the ashes. 

(Don't worry about trying to  unravel that and find an answer.  There isn't one.  There never is an answer.)

"Not being in a position to care for an additional child without fundraising.  Planning is really important and you appear NOT to have planned to take care of this child (caring for a kid includes FINANCIALLY)."

NO WAY.  I want to thank the person who so astutely pointed this out to me.  NO WAY.  F-f-f...what?  FINANCIAL?  *sigh*  Please don't use big words you don't understand.  It's amazing to me that no one said word ONE to us when we received some (but not all) of the funds we needed to do to pay for IVF.  No one said a word.  Apparently, it doesn't matter that (to date) we've paid all of the fees ourselves.  Apparently, we're thrown into the same barrel as everyone who fundraises for adoption.  Also, apparently these financial geniuses can't grasp the concept that the monthly liability of another child (or children) is more easily absorbed than a large, $30,000 outlay all at once.  I think my husband just finished his accounting class.  Maybe he can explain it to you.

"Hoping to fund your adoption by illegal means, such as a giveaway of an Ipad, Ipod, or other expensive gizmo, that may be construed as an illegal lottery."

This comment goes on.  Poor little writer got confuzzled I think, since we haven't done any of that.  It's a shame.  I got thrown out with the bath water on that one.  But I'm quite sure these kind souls don't EVER GET FACTS WRONG.  As my three year old daughter would say (quite beautifully), "TRY AGAIN!"

"The Kitty Genovese story is a myth."

IS SUPERFREAKONOMICS REALLY YOUR SOURCE?  Really?  Folks, they used SUPERFREAKONOMICS as their scholary, irrefutable source.  Yeah, yeah.  It's Steven Levitt & Stephen Dubner.  (Who happen to have college degrees - how stupid of them.  What could they ever know?)  I want anyone who reads this to understand where these people get their "facts" from.  You need to know that.  It matters.

"Perhaps your friends do pray - but are praying for things like better supports for families of disabled children in developing countries?  Or programs that will enable families to keep their beloved children at home? Or for 'early intervention' programs to assist programs in seeing that it really is feasible to keep their disabled children home AND those kids can have fulfilling lives, just like, say, kids with DS or autism or any number of other medical conditions in the US?"

I apologize for not editing the above for clarity. 

I'm pretty certain the writer of this sentence (and you know it's a chick.  You just KNOW it is.)  would advocate for all of us adopting from places that are compared to the Holocaust to simply sit outside the orphanages and have a candlelight vigil.  That's what we should have done in World War II.  Jews being starved, fried, killed?  Keep them in their native countries, dammit!  Because that's the utopia.  That's the perfection that we should strive for.

It IS the perfection that should happen.  I hope someday, children can be valued and helped in their countries of birth.  I hope that parents find less of a need to abandon their children in "poor kids boarding houses" (the proper term for these children is generally Social Orphans.  Look it up.)  I really want that.  I've often said that if something happened during this process of adoption - if our future son (NOTE the difference, it's not semantics) had family step up and decide to take care of him and parent him, terrific. I would be sad for us, but happy for him and ultimately at peace with it all. 

In the meantime, what is really meant by comments such as the run-on nonsense above, is to do nothing.  Better to cross our fingers and let children starve, disintegrate, and ultimately die while we wait.  Let's hum and hope and cross our fingers reeeeeeally really hard and something good will happen to these children in their countries of birth.  What, might it take a bit too long?  Folly!  No matter!  The ones who die and suffer will ultimately be giving their lives for a cause greater than themselves.  They can be collateral damage as we try oh so hard for change to come to these countries.  I'm sure it will come.  When it does, orphans who are true orphans will remain in their shining countries of birth, with access to every available medical intervention.  Others won't go to the orphanage, as parents in these countries will be empowered and inspired to care for their disabled children.

It'll happen.  It's happened in so many other countries.  Like Honduras.  Or Romania.  Or Guatemala. It's worked wonders there.  (Tell me again why I directly sponsor a 'social orphan' in an orphanage in Honduras again?  Surely I must be shrooming.)

Remember this when you read the link above.  Remember this as you read poorly writtten drivel from people who spout "facts" (*coughcough* badly "researched" garbage *coughcough*) and tell you to Fear Not!  For it is better to let children suffer and effectuate CHANGE than to step in and do something.

They are right.  I've seen the light.  In fact, as of this moment, because of the truth and substance of blogs like these, I'm going to abandon my plans to adopt.  Good luck, little boy.  Good luck in your Holocaust.  I'm sure you'll be fine, riddled with scurvy and rickets (PREVENTABLE THINGS, by the way...and despite a budget that should be sufficient, poor nutrition remains. Why is that?) .  I'm sure that, at some point, your life will turn around.  And if it doesn't, know that you  have given your life for a cause beyond your years.  You have died a noble death for the children in your country, that someday, future generations will remain with their birth families because of your sacrifice.

Really?

REALLY?

Is that the best you can do?

*sigh*  Facepalm.  Just...hopeless.

Bye now.