Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The Final Solution.

Now that we've finally cleared everything up, and we're all far more educated on the evils of adoption, we have to use this newfound knowledge.  Shall we?

For starters, we're going to make a pact that no one - not one person - begins an adoption ever again.  No international adoption of any kind.

Now, I can't speak for anyone outside of the United States, so we'll just say that no one here in the United States will initiate an adoption of a child outside of the United States. (I haven't gone back to look at the view of some on domestic adoption and while I'm certain it's just as thoroughly researched as their position on international adoption, we'll just talk about international adoption.)

From here forward, no United States citizen will adopt a foreign born child.  This will "rescue" approximately 10,000 children per year from the horrors of international adoption. 


I feel better now.  Don't you?

*chews lip*  Well...maybe not SO much better.  I mean, there are children in orphanages in foreign countries, right?  I do, you know, SORT OF feel badly for those kids...

What to do?

No adoption, THAT'S for sure.  *shakes head seriously*  So what now?

Well...maybe I could ask the fine folks who run websites what THEY do to support countries of origin to maintain the population of children in orphanages.  Because I'm sure they are emptying their piggy banks every year to find a solution to THAT. 

But then what?  I mean, maybe that's not quite enough. 

Let's take Bulgaria.  I have a lot of hope for Bulgaria, because they are a country in the European Union.  This also means they siphon MILLIONS of dollars to their country because of that affiliation which, thusfar, has done wonders for their orphanage system.  I mean, the orphanage they call "worst than the Holocast" has done remarkably well

Well, now let's be honest.  Maybe that place hasn't done quite so well.  Even with an influx of resources from non profit organizations, assertions of corruption, unaccounted for funds, and continued accusations of abuse and neglect persist. I don't know how this could be possible.  The learned folks who run those websites assured me that adoption was evil and unnecessary, and that we should be funding programs in their countries of origin to preserve and protect the faux orphans, and they told me this would work if we did this.

Why hasn't it worked so far?

No matter.  I'm sure it will work.  If it hasn't worked, then I'm sure it will work very, very soon.  In fact, I'll bet these new initiatives will work so well so quickly, that there will be no children arriving in orphanages this year.  Whether they have families and cannot care for them, or if they are true "orphans", the population in Bulgaria is going to be so incredibly transformed by these works that I'm certain not one child will arrive at an orphanage this year.  Not one.

We're two-thirds of the way home already!  First, we stopped the adoption of foreign children into the United States, and now we've magically stopped in inflow of children into the institutions in Bulgaria!  Praise the Lord! Don't you feel productive today?  I know I do.

Wait, though.  What about the children who ALREADY LIVE IN THOSE ORPHANAGES?

Dammit! I forgot about them!  *beats head against the wall*  Man, this is tough!  But let's press on.  Remember, no one from the United States can adopt these children.  The existing population has been so transformed and enlightened by these highly effective social programs that there are no more orphans showing up at the institutions for any reason whatsoever.

But I gotta be honest, I feel a little sorry for the kiddos who didn't make the cut before the Mass Enlightenment.  I feel just a little sorry for those children.  A slight twinge of guilt.

Maybe some of the parents who are now fully actualized and able to care for their children will come back to the orphanages and take some of their children back!  Hold on a second! That might happen!  I know there are probably thousands of parents whose only crime was poverty.  Now that they are not in poverty anymore because of the Magic Pixie Fairy Dust that the industrialized world has sprinkled on the population of Bulgaria, I'm certain these parents will return.  Let's be really optimistic and say that FIFTY PERCENT of these children are claimed by their now-enlightened parent(s) (one or more parents - it's generally the mother because a majority of birth certificates don't list a father) to raise and love and care for and apologize for ever placing them in an orphanage.  We can wave as they walk into the sunset, to live happily ever after. 

But that leaves 50% of these children remaining.  50%!  Maybe these are the children who are actually true orphans (without mother or father).  Maybe some of these children live here because their parents are too old or too sick now to care for them.  I won't assume that ANY of these parents don't want these children, so there has to be a reason that is beyond their control.  Since poverty has been eradicated and every single parent in Bulgaria desperately wants to and is capable of raising their children, there must be a pretty awful reason why these parents didn't show up at the orphanage door with the other half of their kiddo's gold locket.  *laughs.  One point for you if you get the reference.*

With no children entering the orphanage system, and no adoptions happening either, it looks like the Republic of Bulgaria has a little problem on its hands. 

Is an orphanage setting the right answer?  Do we pay to transform every facility into Disney World, complete with piping in "It's A Small World"?  Or maybe we roll out an aggressive, robust foster care system.  The one in the United States works really well, because a child is never abused, neglected, or killed while under the care of their foster parents.  Only adoptive families kill and abuse their children.  Believe me, I know this. The kind folks who run websites told me all about it. 

What is the answer for this small but significant population that continues to be in care?  I guess an orphanage is the answer.  But we could make it look pretty terrific, right?  Install flat screen tvs, give every kid an Ipad, send them to some exclusive private school...they'd live like Kings and Queens in this orphanage, and they'd be the last in their generation to do so, because remember: no children anywhere will ever appear at an orphanage again.  We've stopped that problem by transforming the population.  An orphanage is not a bad place.  We could make it super terrific.  We could send them on vacations to exotic places, so when they get home, they have no mother or father to show pictures to.  We could send them to a great college, where no parent will stand and watch them graduate.  Maybe someday, they can grow up to be parents of their own, and smile knowing that their child has no grandparents to chase after.  But I'm sure they can develop some really awesome friendships that will completely and totally make up for the fact that they no longer have a family. 

Well, that was easy, wasn't it?

And I feel so much better having developed a solution, because it would be really stupid to just talk about a problem and then never come up with a solution!  That would be unproductive!  When I see a problem, I want to do something about it, and I'm just glad I was able to think of such a creative, easily workable, totally doable, positively useful solution.  Thanks.  I feel better now.

Wait.  What's wrong? You look almost as confused as the folks who pen the diatribes I'm now happily lapping up!

You don't think that immediately stopping adoption, instantly transforming the population of a country (even an EU country like Bulgaria) so that every person in the populace is 100% prepared to parent any child, releasing 50% of the orphans to their newly self actualized families, and giving the remaining 50% of the orphans Ipads is realistic?

Wait, you DON'T?

Well..."I GUESS" you could be right.  Maybe I need to go back to the drawing board on this one slightly.  Maybe I miscalculated something somewhere.  I have an idea.  I'll go back to my new friends, who will most certainly point me in the right direction, and provide super-duper scholarly sources for me to cite to boot.  I'm certain of that.

/end sarcasm.

Friends, when we ignore idiots, they only multiply.  It's like ants.  You see one, chances are there are several.  If you never get out the ant spray, they just keep climbing the walls.  We can mostly ignore them, but sometimes we can't.  Call them out.  Ask them for answers instead of accusations.  And if they don't have an answer (they won't), feel free to offer them MY final solution.  I think it's about as workable (realistically) as anything they come up with.

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