preparation.

There is so much for us to do in preparation of our departure to Bulgaria and The Bad Place.  A thousand details to sort out, packing to finish, arrangements to make for our daughter, and a zillion tiny things to think about.  It is a hectic time, where I have not had much of a chance to really focus or spiritually recharge. 

I'm grateful to our pastor's wife, who took a few moments to mail us a wonderful card complete with small bible verses to keep our focus as we travel.  Verses about being flexible, trusting God, and seeking strength from Him.  We will have these with us as we begin our flight and throughout our week.

There are renewed concerns about our future son's vision (eye) problems.  We have to do all we can to ascertain his visual acuity while we are there.  We are desperately seeking a connection to the doctor in Bulgaria that has treated many children in The Bad Place to see if there is a way for us to have our future son further evaluated.  It likely does not impact our choice, but we need to know if we can determine, among other things, if he has a tumor in his head.  His increased head size was attributed to an external hydrocephaly, but it is also possible that he has a tumor somewhere.  It is possible that his visual acuity is extremely poor.  He could, perhaps, be considered legally blind - if not now, in his future. 

It is not a time to simply enjoy the boy who will someday be our son; though I wish it was, it is also a time of evaluating and learning and paying very close attention.

It is also a time of intense spiritual needs.

This is not a "typical" orphanage.  This place has improved, but has far to go.  There are children I may never see who haunt the top floors, who are emaciated and starved.  Even if I do not see them, my spirit knows they are there.  Even our little one is over two and a half years of age and is weighing 21 pounds.  For some of the children in this place, that is "fat", but for a typical child, that is far below what he ought to be. 

I do not know how we will manage the things we will see there.  I just do not know.  I don't know how we will meet this child, and then leave him.  I do not know how we will see the sea of faces we may see or the horrid need and not be impacted.  We have agreed to carry some formula with us which will be brought to some of the children affiliated with my agency who might need it.  I'm generally removed now from many of the families who have traveled to this orphanage because many of them use a different facilitator and different agencies. 

Fundamentally, we need prayer as we travel to our son's amazing birth country...and even more prayer as we go into the gates of this place. Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers.  We continue to be grateful for everyone who has reached out to us, who cares about us and our future son, and who will walk with us in spirit as we finally, finally, meet this precious child.

**SMALL GIVEAWAY UPDATE**

The winners of the giveaway were posted over a week ago.  We believe we have identified every winner and reached out.  Some of the items were shipped only in the last day or so, so if you have not received your item, it may have been in the last batch of items shipped.  However, if you are an identified winner and you do not receive your promised item by this time next week, please leave us a comment and we will work to locate your item and get your prize to you.